The Love Of Family

This is something that we cannot have too much of. I am really feeling it as I spend these few weeks with members of my family. It’s a sweet thing when your children grow up and you find yourself in a situation of roll reversal with them caring for you when you need it. God has really Blessed me in this way.

I had to have two molars extracted from where their crowns had broken off down to the roots in preparation for implants or a permanent bridge. Al Hamdulillah the Qatar Foundation has provided me with an excellent health and dental insurance policy that allows me to seek treatment anywhere in the world. So at 11:30 today my precious daughter took me to the oral surgeon and stayed with me as I got silly under the nitrous oxide in preparation for the intravenous anesthetic that knocked me out completely. Apparently I started giggling with the nitrous oxide and told the Doctor I’d like to take some home with me. My daughter said the doctor said the tank was too big to fit in my carry-on! LOL! Then I waxed poetic to the doctor and nurse anesthetist about how much I love my daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren; and how I would like my daughter and son-in-law to be surrogate parents to another grandbaby for me that I would, of course, give them to raise! ROFL! I was informed of all this after I woke up and I seem to have entertained everybody

I woke up after 1.5 hours to my dear daughter’s smile and she brought me home (stopping by Wendy’s for a large frosty so I could take my antibiotic and pain meds) and got me settled in bed, laying down beside me until I was fully functional. Then she went to get my post-op prescriptions filled (had done the others yesterday) and picked up a dozen of my favorite yogurt (Yoplait whipped Key Lime Yogurt) and cranberry juice; made me mashed potatoes and home made beef barbecue from a left over roast that she chopped real fine and mixed with a very mild homemade sauce; and brought me the best medicine of all — my grandchildren! Maash’Allah, I do truly feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world and I thank God for the guidance He has given me on this path.

Protected: What Time Is It? It’s GRANNY Time!!!! (Includes Pics)

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Polygyny: Muslims’ Answer For “Biology” — Straight From The Source

I could accept all adult parties happily choosing polygyny, but how often is that the reality? Instead we are faced with an almost overwhelming barrage of jealousy, anger, hurt feelings and neglect while two or more women fight over some loser of a man who is probably totally getting off on playing one off against the other and feeling so sought after. I know that was the case with my ex-jerk.

The following clip is only one man — but he certainly represents the mindset of many, many more. Most would not be so foolish as to expose thei stupidity on TV, but for our viewing pleasure this one did (embedding was disabled on youtube).

It amazes me how easy it is for a Muslim man to justify giving in to his urges without considering the feelings of wives and children. If we allow ourselves to be ruled by what we perceive as a natural biological function (in this case polygyny), then I have a right to alternate nights between Denzel Washington and George Clooney

What Age SHOULD Muslims Marry?

I’ve been thinking about what Omar wrote in the last thread regarding sex, marriage and puberty. It seems he susbscribes (as MANY Muslims probably do) that Muslims should marry as close to puberty as possible to make sure they stay “pure”. It is also in line with the standard interpretation of Islam that masturbation is haram. So does it make sense then that 11-13 year olds are better served by marriage as these people think Islam prescribes than risk any form of haram behavior? If Islam is for all times and places then how do you reconcile the fact that marrying at puberty clashes with the fact that in this day and age most people are neither emotionally developed enough to understand the ramifications of marriage or perhaps more importantly, will have not even completed half of the education needed to be able to make something of yourself and support yourself and a family?

I think Muslims are stuck. They don’t know how to think critically and apply the knowledge that we have within the context of our times. So instead they keep regurgitating the “same old-same old” labeling it the sunnah and insisting that it be followed to the letter, even though it may be disastrous. I think it stems from the focus on memorization in Islam and the de-emphasis on thinking. I’ve said it before: the greatest way to control people is by subverting their ability to think for themselves. Muslims make great sheeple in that regard. I just can’t get on that boat….

P-ewwwww!

The ramifications of Safa’s hubbex’ actions are still being felt by the cuckolded husband of MM and this is turning into a stink-fest (excerpted from The Star where you can read the full article):

When Boutaya read Rigby’s story in the Star a week ago, he realized he was reading the story of his own life. Ismail hadn’t sought a widow, a divorcee, or a woman in need of financial or emotional support when he married Boutaya’s wife –conditions that would justify polygamous unions under Islam. Instead, he married a woman who wasn’t even legally divorced yet. Just a month earlier, Boutaya and his wife had filed for separation in family court.

“This is not Islamic. Nothing about this marriage was Islamic,” said Boutaya, who now has sole custody of his two children. “They used Islam to hide their affair.”

Boutaya said he is shocked a religious man like Aly Hindy, the imam at Salahuddin Islamic Centre in Scarborough, would support such a marriage.

“What he has done has destroyed two families,” said Boutaya. “Why does he still have the licence to marry people?”

Officials with the registrar general’s office investigated Hindy last year, when Boutaya brought this case to their attention, but were unable to prove the allegations.

And there’s more:

More than two years after his wife left him, Boutaya remembers every detail of the moment of revelation he has relived in his mind many times since. The former civil servant came home early from a job-hunting trip to Ottawa to surprise his wife and two children, picking up a cake on his way. When he arrived, he found Ismail sitting at the dinner table, eating comfortably, as if he was in his own home.

“I asked him, `What are you doing here, my friend? You should not be here alone with my wife when I am not here,’” said Boutaya.

“What’s the problem?” Boutaya said Ismail replied. “She is my wife.”

This is the dirty little secret no one wants to talk about — until it happens tp you. Hats off to all those who are coming out of the closet and exposing this farce for what it is.

Western “Reverts” and Love of “Exotica”

I recently came across a discussion by an American muslimah living in the US lamenting her “homesickness” for an Arab country she visited. Another Muslimah from that country questioned whether “homesickness” was the correct word/concept. This is just one particular thread but I have read many similar ones over the last year that express similar ideas. Many times Western Muslims glamorize the Arab world as a place where “real” Islam is practiced and often confuse Arab culture with Islamic mandates. I’ve written about this before with regard to converts taking Arab names, wearing Arab clothes and eating only Arab foods. I thought it might be interesting to share my perspective on the issue of Arabophilia.

I have lived in Qatar for 9 years now. I loved it when I first came here — actually LIVING and WORKING here, rather than traveling, visiting or sightseeing. When I went home after 10 months here I did find myself anxious to return here but can’t really say I was “homesick”. Sure I was fascinated with “the other” and found a fair degree of “exoticism” in living and traveling in the Middle East but in time I did actually find myself more and more at home here. Now, I can say I truly get “homesick” if I am away for a while but that is because I actually maintain my home here and do not maintain a home in any other country.

Most of the women I notice succumbing to the Romantic notion of “the Other” are young women who have converted and married Arabs, subsequently suffering rejection from their families. Sometimes the family doesn’t adapt well to the outward changes in their daughter (e.g., perhaps she has started covering her hair or face); they may feel estranged with the new son-in-law’s culture or they may be puzzled and hurt by their daughter’s rejection of the religious values they raised her with. It can even be as simple as non-religious parents not understanding how they now cannot have a glass of wine at Thanksgiving in the presence of their daughter. Regardless of the triggers, a parent whose child makes this major life altering decision is definitely going to need time to adjust to the changes. When the daughter is young (teens or twenties) it’s only natural that the parent might assume that rebellion is the driving force behind these changes.

But sisters, just give it some time and be patient. Let them see you are the same daughter they have loved and raised. Make sure they know that as a Muslim you will still be devoted to them as your parents. And for God’s sake, don’t make them associate your becoming a Muslim with a rejection of everything they value and hold dear. Or at least, don’t rub it in their faces! LOL!

The United States will always be my home, even if I never return to live there. There are many things I don’t like (maybe even hate) about the US but wisdom and maturity has taught me that you can’t run away from home and really negate who you are. At most you will be an ex-pat in Arabia like me, comfortable and happy. But like me you will never be an Arab, so the sooner you get comfortable with WHO you are the more you will feel connected to WHERE you are.

Let Me Tell You About My Little Sisters And Brothers

When I first came to Qatar in 1999 I met a young student (Fatma) who was to be my student the following year. Fatma is Palestinian and she soon took me home to meet her entire family. This consists of her father (who soon became my “Baba”), her mother Monira; two brothers (Abdullah and Ahmed); and 5 sisters (From oldest to youngest: Hend, Noura, Sara, Mona, and Maha). Mind you this was 9 years ago, so I have watched this beautiful family grow and blossom — while I was nurtured as one of them.

Both Baba and Monira are from Gaza, and if I told you the story of all that has happened to them growing up in the wake of the establishment of Israel it would break your heart. But this is not a sad story, because Baba and Monira are testaments to the resilient human spirit and all the best qualities of humanity. They both got their university education — Baba in Alexandria and Monira her at Qatar University while she was juggling caring for her young children. Baba and Monira then began their careers teaching here in Doha and passed their love and respect for education to their children.

Hind led the way in being the first to attend the first university here in Qatar Foundation’s Education City. She graduated with a BFA in Fashion Design and after working as a Designer on several important projects and an international Design firm, she was accepted into a Master’s Program in the UK. She received her Master’s about a year ago and immediately began working on her PhD (also in the UK). She has returned to my uni (her alma mater) this summer — now as FACULTY — and will be teaching her first class! I met Hend when she was a sophomore in uni and now she is my colleague! Maash’Allah!

Fatma also graduated from my uni with a BFA in Motion Graphic Design. She studied animation in London for one semester and returned to Doha to work as a Designer for the 2006 Doha Asian Games. Since then she has been been employed by the Design firm that is a subsidiary at the university. Their biggest project is handling the enormous task of redesigning all the Qatar military, security and police uniforms and insignia. She has been accepted into graduate school in London where she will be pursuing a Masters degree in film making. Fatoom is like a younger version of myself and it drives me crazy sometimes but I love that girl! She’s smart and stubborn and wise beyond her years. Maash’Allah!

Noura has just graduated with Honors from Carnegie-Mellon University in Education City with a BSc in Computer Science. Tonight she is heading to Pittsburgh where she will represent her graduating class at commencement. Noura’s job prospects are excellent and she hopes to get some work experience under her belt before she applies to graduate schools. When I talk with Noura I feel like such a dummy. Tonight she was telling me about a paper she’s submitting to a conference in Cyprus! Maash’Allah!

Sara has just finished her junior year at my university where she is double majoring in Fashion Design and Graphic Design. Sara is a thinker. Sara communicates through design but is often shy about expressing herself verbally. Recently we have had the chance to grow closer as she faced some adversity and I am seeing her get more comfortable with expressing herself verbally. Sara was born premature and was a teeny-tiny baby (only about 2 pounds). She had an incredible strength and will to survive and I see that in her determination now. Sara is like the tiny mouse that roars — Maash’Allah!

Tomorrow afternoon, Mona will be interviewing at Northwestern University’s new branch campus here at Education City. Mona is the “Great Communicator”! She has a smile that could provide the energy for all of Qatar and is interested in a career in journalism or broadcasting. I can really see her in broadcasting — but I’ll let her decide! Mona studied English for one year in the UK after high school and is one of those people who can really help to bridge the culture gap between East and West.  I think Northwestern would be lucky to have her. Maash’Allah!

Little Maha was just a very young girl when I met her. She has infinite patience as you can imagine how often everyone in the family asks her to get things or do things for them. I was the youngest in my family, too, so I remember how it was to be the one everyone called for to do chores and errands. The difference is that I did it grudgingly, but Maha always does it graciously. Here was this quiet young girl running to bring me anything I might want and all the while she was growing up and becoming smarter and smarter! Maha entered a high school that focuses on the sciences — in English — when she spoke very little English (except “Hi, how are you?”). Where did the time go? I don’t know, but Maha is finishing high school and hopes to study medicine at Cornell here at Education City. Finally, a DOCTOR in the family, insha’Allah! Maash’Allah!

Abdullah was a young man when I met him. He was working in a family business which seemed natural upon his graduation from high school here. When he graduated the only university was Qatar University and he didn’t really have a specific career interest. A few years ago he surprised me when he told me he was applying to the Aeronautical University here and wanted to become a pilot! Sure enough, he overcame all the hurdles — English and returning to school after a long gap as an adult — to become the top student in his class. In another 2 years I expect to board a plane with Abdullah in the cockpit! Maash’Allah!

Now Ahmed is my youngest brother. When Ahmed was little he made me laugh SOOOO much! He can do impersonations of everyone — and my own is so embarassing but on the money! Ahmed has a great love of horses and is magical with them but we knew his chances of becoming a world class jockey were limited when this little boy grew up to be about 6′5″ and 275 pounds!!! He is quite the handsome young man; my granddaughter Olivia loves to sit on his shoulders! Ahmed will finish high school this year, insha’Allah, and is looking into aviation for a career as well. I worry that he will be so handsome in a pilot’s uniform we will have to fight the girls off with a baseball bat! Ahmed can still make me laugh like no one else and for all his manliness he is still my sweet little brother. Maash’Allah!

Can you imagine how rich my life became when I met this family and they opened their home and hearts to me? Truly, God has blessed me by bringing this family into my life. I love them more than I can ever express.

 

 

God IS Great!

Al hamdulillah — I just got a call from my son. He has arrived safely back home. Thank you for all your prayers, support and good wishes.

I am one happy MOMMA!!!

Why Is It So Difficult To Get Muslim Countries To Pass Laws To Protect Children?

In fact, shouldn’t we Muslims be leading the way? Instead, we are lagging far behind in this regard. You cannot imagine how many Muslims are actually defending the Mormon mothers who have played an active role in marrying off their underage daughters (or allowing them to be married) into polygynous marriages with grizzled old geezers, which amounts to child abuse. Is it because we are doing the same thing and don’t want people calling us into account?

Tihun Nebiyu, 7, a girl from central Ethiopia, waits to be presented to her 17-year-old husband on her wedding day. (Tribune photo by Heather Stone. / December 12, 2004) 

 

 

Consider this:

8-year-old girl’s divorce is finalized while a law to prevent early marriage stalls

By: Hamed Thabet

Eight-year-old Nojoud is now safe after an anonymous donor paid her 30-year-old husband to divorce her. Although this chapter of her life has closed, there are many other Yemeni girls who still suffer from early marriage and its consequences.

Feminist groups in Yemen are urging the Parliament to legally define a minimum marriage age. [Does anybody else see labeling these groups as "feminist" to be a red herring?] However, there is a long way to go before girls like Nojoud can be free from detrimental early marriages.

A few months ago, Nojoud was an average 8-year-old girl from a poor family. Then Nojoud’s father decided to marry her off to a man more than three times her age. Overnight, Nojoud became a wife, enduring physical and sexual abuse for two months until she ran away with the help of her uncle and filed a court case against her father and her husband.

On April 15, with support from her lawyer Shatha Mohammed Nasser and Judge Abud Al-Khaleaq Ghowber, Nojoud paid her way out of marriage with YR 100,000 from an anonymous donor in the Emirates and happily became an 8-year-old divorcee.

“This was the first time a girl came to us for a divorce. We are going to do our best to push the parliament to change the marriage law,” said Judge Ghowber.

“I am so happy to be free and I will go back to school and will never think of getting married again,” Nojoud said joyfully. “It is a good feeling to be rid of my husband and his bad treatment.”

She said that she felt lucky that she did not have to continue in such a marriage and live out a life similar to her sisters, who had been married young [though not as young as Nojoud] and have already bore children.

“Although Nojoud does not know her real birthday, I believe this day she was born again and it would be apt to celebrate this day as the first day of her new life,” said Nasser.

And why is this a bad thing?

Early marriage in Yemen:

According to the International Center for Research on Women’s 2007 statistics, Yemen is one of 20 developing countries where early marriage is common. Nearly half of all Yemeni girls are married before the age of 18.

Most women have their first child immediately after their first menstruation cycle and are likely to have a child every 12 months during their reproductive lifespan. Yemen’s fertility rate is extremely high, with an average 6.3 children per each woman, and the country also has some of the highest mother and infant mortality rates worldwide.

According to research on early marriage in Yemen from Oxfam and the United Nations Population Fund, there are severe physical consequences that result from early marriage and subsequent early childbirth such as nutritional anemia, post-partum hemorrhages, obstetric fistula (a disorder that affects the bladder and causes leaking of urine or feces), plus mother and infant mortality.

Additionally, many girls like Nojoud develop irreparable psychological complexes from early marriage and the forced sexual encounters that accompany it. Early marriage also contributes to divorce and family problems.

“I hated nights because they usually meant that my husband would come to my bed. I used to run from him and he would chase me and beat me and do his thing. I pray that my younger sisters do not face the same fate,” said Nojoud. Now the 8-year-old is living with her uncle and his family in relative safety.

So what have the we and the Yemenis learned from this?

A divided society

The Yemeni personal status law stipulates that a girl cannot be wed until she is ready for intercourse, which in essence leaves the judgment up to the girl’s parents or guardians. Judge Ghowber explained that early marriages are usually the fault of the parents. He insisted that there must be increased awareness among Yemeni families in order to avoid these serious mistakes.

A number of Yemeni religious scholars, including some in the Evaluation and Jurisprudence Committee in the Parliament, say that since there is no religious statement defining a minimum age for marriage, then early marriage is perfectly fine if not desirable.

Other scholars and religious authorities, like Judge Hamoud Al-Hitar, the Minister of Endowment, want to create legislation to prevent parents from marrying their girls off at a young age and to prevent religious sheikhs from endorsing such marriages.

“Those who approve of girls marrying at 13, 14 or even below 18, are barbaric men who abuse childhood and are irresponsible,” said religious scholar Yahiya Al-Najar, the former Minister of Endowment. He explained that there should be a minimum age for boys and girls to marry in order to complete their physical and mental development and so that they can manage the responsibilities of marriage and raising a family.

Al-Hitar said that the minimum age of marriage should be 16-years-old, no less. He added that previous religious bodies in charge of jurisprudence wrote such laws in 1976 and in 1988. “Those who say that defining a minimum age for marriage is un-Islamic do not understand the religion at all,” said Al-Hitar. “Defining a minimum age of marriage is a need dedicated by life’s nature.”

The Yemeni parliament is equally divided between MPs who believe in safe motherhood (and thereby banning early marriage) and those who don’t. Deputy speaker of Parliament, MP Himyar Al-Ahmar, said that he supports the creation of legislation against early marriage, requested by the Women’s National Committee, but prefers to forward the issue to the Evaluation and Jurisprudence Committee, which is strongly against such legislation.

Rasheeda Al-Hamadani, chair of the Women’s National Committee, promised to continue to raise awareness about the issue by holding workshops soon with religious leaders, MPs and decision makers.

Here are some stats from the ICRW 2007 Report:

Child Marriage Around the World (Percentage of girls marrying before the age of 1

1 Niger 76.6
2 Chad 71.5
3 Bangladesh 68.7
4 Mali 65.4
5 Guinea 64.5
6 Central African Republic 57.0
7 Nepal 56.1
8 Mozambique 55.9
9 Uganda 54.1
10 Burkina Faso 51.9
11 India 50.0
12 Ethiopia 49.1
13 Liberia 48.4
13 Yemen 48.4
15 Cameroon 47.2
16 Eritrea 47.0
17 Malawi 46.9
18 Nicaragua 43.3
18 Nigeria 43.3
20 Zambia 42.1

How many of these have sizable Muslim populations? According to Factbook:

1 Niger 91.0% of the population is Muslim
2 Chad 85.0% of the population is Muslim
3 Bangladesh 88.0% of the population is Muslim
4 Mali 90.0% of the population is Muslim
5 Guinea 95.0% of the population is Muslim
6 Central African Republic 55.0% of the population is Muslim
7 Nepal 4.0% of the population is Muslim
8 Mozambique 29.0% of the population is Muslim
9 Uganda 36.0% of the population is Muslim
10 Burkina Faso 50.0% of the population is Muslim
11 India 14.0% of the population is Muslim
12 Ethiopia 65.0% of the population is Muslim
13 Liberia 30.0% of the population is Muslim
13 Yemen 99.0% of the population is Muslim
15 Cameroon 55.0% of the population is Muslim
16 Eritrea 80.0% of the population is Muslim
17 Malawi 35.0% of the population is Muslim
18 Nicaragua 0.0% of the population is Muslim
18 Nigeria 75.0% of the population is Muslim
20 Zambia 15.0% of the population is Muslim

12 out of the 20 countries with the highest perecntage of child marriages have Muslim populations that make up 50% or more of the overall population. At the same time, I recognize that these are all very under developed countries with strong tribal systems for the most part. So what are we Muslims doing to help these countries develop and implement laws that will respect human rights and especially the rights of children?

Not enough, in my opinion.

Addendum (Please note Simon): There are many sources from which one might take figures regarding Muslim populations. If I look at Islamicweb, their figures for the Muslim population in Ethiopia is 65% and Eritrea is 80%. If we look at Wikipedia (based on the US State Dept. figures from 2006-2007) they rate Ethiopia as being 32.8- 45% Muslim and Eritrea as being 48- 60% Muslim. The point is that everybody should be concerned about these issues and certainly MUSLIMS should be.

My Grandson Has Aspergers Syndrome

And my response is al alhamdulillah! Since he was a baby I suspected something within the Autism Spectrum Disorders but it took some time to get my daughter to read up on the subject and then convince her husband that he needed to be tested. About a year and a half ago she took him to a child psychologist. His initial response was that it sounded like Aspergers but once he got into testing he made the common mistake of diagnosing him with ADHD and medicated him accordingly. The meds helped with his hyperactivity which presented as an inability to concentrate but really only masked the underlying issue.

About 3 months ago, after careful research, I discovered that one of the leading researchers and therapists dealing with Aspergers lived about 30 minutes from my daughter. Subhan’Allah, isn’t it amazing how God works? Anyway, she made the initial appointment and after a series of tests, my precious grandson was diagnosed with Aspergers.

This is a wonderful diagnosis! Aspergers is a neaurobiological disorder that is treatable through education, therapy and sometimes dietary means. It also means that he has some areas that he is very high functioning and in knowing that we can help to build on those and guide him towards a successful and productive life.

He’s quite a precious and eccentric little fellow. We all adore him just the way he is and Aspergers is part of who he is. God is truly great for giving us this child!