Western “Reverts” and Love of “Exotica”

I recently came across a discussion by an American muslimah living in the US lamenting her “homesickness” for an Arab country she visited. Another Muslimah from that country questioned whether “homesickness” was the correct word/concept. This is just one particular thread but I have read many similar ones over the last year that express similar ideas. Many times Western Muslims glamorize the Arab world as a place where “real” Islam is practiced and often confuse Arab culture with Islamic mandates. I’ve written about this before with regard to converts taking Arab names, wearing Arab clothes and eating only Arab foods. I thought it might be interesting to share my perspective on the issue of Arabophilia.

I have lived in Qatar for 9 years now. I loved it when I first came here — actually LIVING and WORKING here, rather than traveling, visiting or sightseeing. When I went home after 10 months here I did find myself anxious to return here but can’t really say I was “homesick”. Sure I was fascinated with “the other” and found a fair degree of “exoticism” in living and traveling in the Middle East but in time I did actually find myself more and more at home here. Now, I can say I truly get “homesick” if I am away for a while but that is because I actually maintain my home here and do not maintain a home in any other country.

Most of the women I notice succumbing to the Romantic notion of “the Other” are young women who have converted and married Arabs, subsequently suffering rejection from their families. Sometimes the family doesn’t adapt well to the outward changes in their daughter (e.g., perhaps she has started covering her hair or face); they may feel estranged with the new son-in-law’s culture or they may be puzzled and hurt by their daughter’s rejection of the religious values they raised her with. It can even be as simple as non-religious parents not understanding how they now cannot have a glass of wine at Thanksgiving in the presence of their daughter. Regardless of the triggers, a parent whose child makes this major life altering decision is definitely going to need time to adjust to the changes. When the daughter is young (teens or twenties) it’s only natural that the parent might assume that rebellion is the driving force behind these changes.

But sisters, just give it some time and be patient. Let them see you are the same daughter they have loved and raised. Make sure they know that as a Muslim you will still be devoted to them as your parents. And for God’s sake, don’t make them associate your becoming a Muslim with a rejection of everything they value and hold dear. Or at least, don’t rub it in their faces! LOL!

The United States will always be my home, even if I never return to live there. There are many things I don’t like (maybe even hate) about the US but wisdom and maturity has taught me that you can’t run away from home and really negate who you are. At most you will be an ex-pat in Arabia like me, comfortable and happy. But like me you will never be an Arab, so the sooner you get comfortable with WHO you are the more you will feel connected to WHERE you are.

How Can We Have Peace In The Middle East When We Can’t Even Debate With Civility And Reason?

I had to admit, though, that I laughed myself silly watching this clip from Al-Jazeera:

from peacefulmuslimah.wor posted with vodpod

Thank God we have the Doha Debates sponsored by the Qatar Foundation and BBC to show these lunatics how it should be done.

Finally A Wise Sheikh Explains The Difference Between Men And Women!

Hmmm… So I guess he had something like this in mind:

Food For Thought: Planet of The Arabs

I am reading the book Reel Bad Arabs by Jack Shaheen that examines the negative stereotyping of Arabs in Hollywood. This trailer, a montage influenced by the book, was shown at Sundance. It’s not for the easily offended but should make you think about the power of media and film representations.

Can You identify The Muslim?

Is this what a Muslim looks like?

How about this?

The first image, if you haven’ figured it out, is King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. The second on is Keith Ellison being sworn into the US Congress, while swearing on Thomas Jefferson’s Quran. Does one look more like a Muslim than the other?

My last post about Muslims having to be like 7th century Arabs has drawn a big response. A lot of it has been positive and some of it has been critical. I would like, however, to respond to a specific anonymous commentator who stated:

Sunnah IS culture.
It’s the manner ,dress,behavior,language,and attitude of the prophet of Islam.
And yes he was a 7th century Arab.

According to Wikipedia:

Sunnah (سنة) literally means “trodden path”, and therefore, the sunnah of the prophet means “the way of the prophet”. Terminologically, the word ‘Sunnah’ in Sunni Islam means those religious actions that were instituted by Muhammad during the 23 years of his ministry and which Muslims initially received through consensus of companions of Muhammad (Sahaba), and further through generation-to-generation transmission. According to some opinions, sunnah in fact consists of those religious actions that were initiated by Abraham and were only revived by Muhammad

Thus, according to scholars, Sunnah refers to those things in the manner and actions of the Prophet (saw) that related RELIGIOUS KNOWLEDGE. Fo example, he didn’t eat salmon, but rather ate camel meat, because he lived in 7th century Arabia and not Nova Scotia. However, this is not to say that Islam does not allow one to eat salmon, nor has camel meat become the most popular export of the Arabian Peninsula.

You said:

Islam is not some spiritual “figure it out for yourself” religion.Like other religions.
It’s a deen a complete way of life.

Absolutely, we Muslims do not have to figure it out for ourselves. That’s what Allah gave us the Quran for — to figure out what He wants from us. In case we are confused about how to enact this behavior, He presented us with the best example in the Sunnah (see the aforementioned; i.e, RELIGIOUS KNOWLEDGE).

The part that you wrote that I most vociferously disagree with is this:

So a Muslim if they believe will become “Arabs”.
If one looks up the definition of what is an Arab. You will quickly learn it’s those peoples from all different races who accepted and started to practice the deen of Islam.

I did just that. I looked up “Arab” and found this:

An Arab (Arabic: عرب‎, translit: arab) is a member of a Semitic people originally from the Arabian peninsula and surrounding territories, who speaks Arabic, and who inhabits much of the Middle East and northern Africa.

The article goes on to discuss Arabs at some length, including in terms of religion, but it also notes that Arabs can be religiously diverse.

The Arabs are mainly Muslim with a minority of Christian followers, and some Arab Jews. Arab Muslims are Sunni, Shiite, Ibadhite, Alawite, Ismaili or Druze. The Druze faith is sometimes considered as a religion apart. The Arab Christians follow generally one of the following Eastern Churches: Coptic, Maronite, Greek Orthodox or Greek Catholic

Muslims are, therefore, a majority but only a sub-group within the ethnically diverse group of people called Arabs. This does not then support your claim that to be a Muslim means that one is an Arab.

I do, however, agree with you when you write:

And I would also like to add that it’s not Allah’s fault that Muslims have problems exercising that deen in a world that has moved away from it.

No, it is not Allah’s fault. In fact, He created the wonderfully, richly diverse world we live in and the passage of time. If He wanted us to live in 7th century Arabia, I suppose He could have caused time to stand still. Instead, He allows us to gain more experience and knowledge with that passage of time; and when it is not at odds with the essence of Islam, we can benefit greatly from it. Here’s an example: I suspect you ride to school or work in a car and not on the back of a camel, right?

I think one of the biggest issues we face is what you see as the problem that arises when people start

trying to explain Islam from a non-Islamic background and understanding.
Like you are trying to do, your understanding of “religion” and what it means “a personal relationship with God” is what is at odds with Islam.

See, it is this kind of attitude that insures Muslims stay stuck where they are today. What you are saying is that unless you are either an Arab who goes along with the status quo being promoted out of places like Al-Azhar, then you have no right to question and weigh in on the subject of Islam. That wouldn’t be such a problem if there was any evidence that critical thinking has been embraced by the Arab world, but unfortunately that is not the case. In fact, critical thinking is rejected by the traditional colonial and post-colonial (i.e., 20th century) “educational” institutions, largely because of the fear of intellectual empowerment which would make the masses too difficult to control. Of course, “Islam” becomes the perfect tool for keeping the people in line and not questioning their political or religious leaders.

The issue is not one of being culturally inflexible. I, too, have always been interested in other cultures and have been blessed to be able to travel widely and even live in a different culture from the one of my birth. No one is advocating taking away your freedom to choose to ascribe to Arab culture.

The fundamental issue in this whole discussion is really more about culture vs. religion. By your vocabulary, syntax and punctuation, not to mention the content of your posts, I suspect that you are an Arab. Unfortunately, “born Muslims” are the least likely to be able to critically assess this issue and understand where religion ends and other aspects of culture begin. Thus, convert Muslims have most often been told that certain things simply must be accepted as Islamically mandated. Having been married to both a Gulf Arab and an Afghani Muslim, I have seen firsthand the huge gap in culturally based Islam and I will continue to question it.

Some Of You Are Willing To Silence Your Blogs For Your Husbands

What would you do if your GOVERNMENT tried to silence you? Would you give up your right to free speech and privacy then?

Well a friend of mine who got me started in this game is facing just such a threat and al hamdulillah he and his fellow Bahraini bloggers have the marbles to take on the challenge. Please support them by signing this petition.

The Blame Game: It’s The Maid’s Fault!

According to the Gult Times, Qataris are starting to worry about the young people losing their cherished Qatari values. Sounds like a healthy attempt at self-crtique, right? Well, unfortunately the majority of people quoted in this article seem to think the problem is in not recruiting the right kind of maids to raise the children:

A SURVEY published by Arrayah reflects the concern among some Qataris about the impact of housemaids of different nationalities on local society. Highlighting the negative role played by these maids in bringing up Qatari infants, the report contained the comments of parents, lawyers, educationists and religious personages.

Abdur Rahman al-Jufairy, a leading Qatari lawyer and former member of the advisory council, said the presence of such a large number of maids could be likened to a time bomb “because the young ones that are under their care during their early impressive years are inculcated with ideas, values and behaviour that go against our core beliefs and cherished values.

“The most visible fallout of this phenomenon is that the youth of today are not inclined to respect their elders, especially their parents and teachers,” he said.
“We have to wake up and do something to check this dangerous trend,” al-Jufairy said.

Abdus Salam al-Basyooni, a prominent preacher and imam, said: “We cannot ask for a total ban on the employment of foreign maids. That will be an impractical suggestion. Every house does need domestic help.”

“But such an onslaught of maids from different countries has led to cultural, moral and behavioural aberrations,” he said. “The language commonly spoken in many households is a confusing mixture that is neither Arabic nor Hindi nor Tagalog.

“In the matter of faith and beliefs these maids mostly belong to faiths that are very different from Islam. They bring with them symbols of their religion and perform their rites. The infants under their care get impressed by such practices,” he said.

“We need to work out certain guidelines for the selection of foreign maids. We should insist on a basic knowledge of practical English or Arabic besides a basic level of education and a fairly good social background. And there should be an authentic agency in their country of origin which can vouch for their good conduct. On the salaries you pay them? Not hardly….

“Many cases of theft and misbehaviour are traced to these maids. However we should as Muslims try to make these maids understand the principles of Islam and bring them around to accept our attitudes. And we should be fair and honest in our dealings with them especially in the payment of their salaries and dues and providing them with proper boarding and lodging,” al-Basyooni said.

Dr Omar al-Farooq an educational psychiatrist and consultant, said that the problem could be contained through careful screening of the maids prior to employment and constant vigilance on the part of the Qatari housewife.

Hmmmm…. Why not just raise your own kids?

Something To Think About During Ramadan:

Abandoned by Family and Forgotten by Society by Zainy Abbas

MAKKAH, 24 September 2006 — With the world having become a global village, Saudi Arabia has seen a slow erosion of traditional Arab and religious values that have been promptly replaced by Western lifestyles. A visit to an old people’s home in Makkah reveals the plight of the aged, who at the hour of their need have been forced by their children to live the rest of their days in a pitiful way.

For many elderly people, an old people’s home is a death sentence handed to them by their children. Suffering from horrid illnesses, for many the thought of being abandoned by their families, and the prospect of being forgotten by society is a devastating experience. Arab News decided to visit an old people’s home in Makkah to listen to the stories of the old and the doctors that have dedicated their lives to their care.

“The people you see around you are my real family. My children abandoned me and left me alone, they (the staff) look after me,” said Mastoor Awaied in a gruff voice, while pointing a wrinkled finger at the doctors in the room. Awaied has been in the old people’s home for nine years. When we entered his room, the doctor accompanying me showed Awaied the greatest of courtesy giving him a warm handshake and even kissing his hand in respect.

I asked Awaied about his health. “I’m not well but I feel better, especially since these doctors show me kindness. I try remaining in high spirits because I have my family around me,” he said, alluding to the doctors in the hospital.

“He’s got a brilliant character. He’s very friendly and jokes with the other old people to ease their pain in being here,” said the doctor accompanying me, who preferred to remain anonymous. Awaied’s story is a typical one, similar to that of many old Saudi people in old people’s homes across the Kingdom.

Perhaps the most heartbreaking story is that of Salem Edah who is 70 years old. As we approached his room, I could hear the blabbering of a sobbing man who sometimes said something in a language that I could not understand. As we shuffled down the corridor coming closer to the room the voice grew louder, the man was calling out names and my heart began to beat faster and faster.

The doctor quietly explained that Edah was senile, and that he suffered from diabetes and weak eyesight. When we entered the room, the man became happy and began smiling like a small child at having a visitor.

Edah welcomed us and asked us to sit on his bed next to him and talk to him. I joked with him and asked whether he was still interested in marrying. He laughed and said, “In the old days I could but now all I want is to see my children and family. I feel lonely.”

I asked him about the names he was calling. “They are the names of people in my family and my sons. I miss them,” he said. Edah then began speaking about the “good old days” and about his family and children.

When it was time to leave, Edah begged us to stay with him longer. I told him that I had to go and that I had another appointment. As soon as we stepped out of the door, he began crying again and calling out the same names. “His family has never come to see him since the day he was admitted, it’s a sad story,” said the doctor accompanying me.

Apart from Edah and Awadieh there are many elderly men at the old people’s home who have been admitted because they have no one to look after them. One thing that is common among all is the fact that their spirits are low as they face a bleak end to the last of their lives.

Bakheet Al-Mahni, 92 years old, was the first person Arab News met at the home. Al-Mahni was admitted at the home three years ago and is senile according to doctors. His hearing is poor and he suffers from blood pressure. Unmarried, Al-Mahni has no children and therefore no one to look after him.

As we entered the room, Al-Mahni was sitting on his bed with a sad look on his face. I tried talking to him and asked him about his health. He remained silent. After a while he opened up.

“I feel like crying but I cannot cry anymore. The pain I have been through I cannot describe,” he said. He then looked down in silence and drifted off in thoughts and began to blabber. I tried understanding what he was saying but it was undecipherable.

“He blames his family. He has some nephews and he blames them for not coming to see him. No one has visited him since he was admitted,” said the doctor. I felt exasperated at the old man’s situation and then understood why he could not cry anymore.

The last person I met was Marzook Al-Jizani, who is 85 years old and was admitted at the home seven years ago. “Marzook is blind and suffers from high blood pressure. He wasn’t married and has no children. His family admitted him to the social house because he was a financial burden on them,” said the doctor.

Nevertheless, I was taken aback by Al-Jizani’s resilience in the face of hardships. He was grateful for everything. “I am waiting to die alone and I am happy that I’m not a burden on anyone but nevertheless I feel depressed that no one visits me,” he said.

The doctors and social workers working in the old people’s home are truly doing a wonderful job in looking after the old, a job which is supposed to be the responsibility of the relatives of the old people inside.

Many of the old people visited would explain how well they have been treated and that their own “ungrateful” children would not have been able to take such good care of them. Staff at the care home helps the old people shower, feeding them and even cleaning them when they use the toilet. But more importantly they provide them with a kind of care that makes them feel wanted and shows them that they are unforgotten.

Elderly care homes are rather rare in Saudi Arabia, but with people’s values changing they are growing in number. I left the old people’s home and the old men inside with a new outlook in life, and a sense of realization about the true value for the elderly.

This Ramadan and beyond please make it a point to share some kindness with the elderly. The smallest act can make the greatest difference in the life of someone who feels deserted, lonely and forgotten.

No Room At The Kaaba for Women?

Saudi clerics want to impose restrictions on women praying at the Grand Mosque in Makkah, one of the few places where male and female worshippers can intermingle. But women activists in Saudi Arabia, say the idea is discriminatory and have vowed to oppose it.

At present, women can pray in the immediate vicinity of the Kaaba. Plans by the committee overseeing the holy sites would place women in a distant section of the mosque while men would still be able to pray in the key space. “The area is very small and so crowded. So we decided to get women out of the ‘sahn’ (Kaaba area) to a better place where they can see the Kaaba and have more space,” said Osama Al Bar, head of the Institute for Haj Research.

“Some women thought it wasn’t good, but from our point of view it will be better for them … We can sit with them and explain to them what the decision is (about),” he said. The decision is not final and could be reversed, he added.

“Both men and women have the right to pray in the ‘House of God’. Men have no right to take it away,” said Suhaila Hammad, a Saudi woman member of a body of world Muslim scholars. “Men and women mix when they circumambulate the Kaaba, so do they want to make us do that somewhere else too?” she asked. “This is discrimination against women.”

Been To A Wedding Lately? They’re All The Rage In Saudi Arabia

TAIF: A young couple about to be married had their plans ruined when the brothers of the groom ganged up on the brother of the bride. The brothers didn’t like that the would-be brother-in-law dared to stand near women at the wedding reception. The young man protested when the brothers tried to impose their rigid views, insisting that it was immoral to stand near and interact with unrelated women. When the young man refused to heed their ranting, the brothers decided to beat up the young man.

As one would expect from young men who disrespect their own brother’s wishes by ruining his wedding with their sanctimonious attitudes, none of the brothers were actually brave enough to challenge the young man to a fair one-on-one duel. Instead they ganged up on the sole brother in numbers like a pack of street thugs. Furious at what had happened to his only son, and concerned that his daughter was about to marry into a physically abusive family, the father canceled the wedding right there and then. As far as this Saudi father was concerned, the would-have-been brothers-in-law, and perhaps including the groom himself, were a pack of Taif baboons.

BAHA: A woman forgot to take her five-year-old son after she departed a wedding celebration in Mikhwat, the daily Okaz reported yesterday. She didn’t realize the error of her way until she returned home, whereupon she began to freak out. The wedding hall was already closed by the time the woman and her relatives arrived. It wasn’t until the following morning that the mother found her child in police custody. Workers at the wedding hall had reported finding a sleeping child in the wedding hall.

BALJURSHI: A wedding function disintegrated into a brawl between the womenfolk on both sides of the aisle after a song troupe busted out with a little ditty that included an off-color remark about one of the families of the couple. The womenfolk of both families went nuts and began beating each other up until the men broke up the battle and the song troupe quietly exited the stage.

Wow! It’s always been my experience that the real trouble starts AFTER the wedding party….