Western “Reverts” and Love of “Exotica”
I recently came across a discussion by an American muslimah living in the US lamenting her “homesickness” for an Arab country she visited. Another Muslimah from that country questioned whether “homesickness” was the correct word/concept. This is just one particular thread but I have read many similar ones over the last year that express similar ideas. Many times Western Muslims glamorize the Arab world as a place where “real” Islam is practiced and often confuse Arab culture with Islamic mandates. I’ve written about this before with regard to converts taking Arab names, wearing Arab clothes and eating only Arab foods. I thought it might be interesting to share my perspective on the issue of Arabophilia.
I have lived in Qatar for 9 years now. I loved it when I first came here — actually LIVING and WORKING here, rather than traveling, visiting or sightseeing. When I went home after 10 months here I did find myself anxious to return here but can’t really say I was “homesick”. Sure I was fascinated with “the other” and found a fair degree of “exoticism” in living and traveling in the Middle East but in time I did actually find myself more and more at home here. Now, I can say I truly get “homesick” if I am away for a while but that is because I actually maintain my home here and do not maintain a home in any other country.
Most of the women I notice succumbing to the Romantic notion of “the Other” are young women who have converted and married Arabs, subsequently suffering rejection from their families. Sometimes the family doesn’t adapt well to the outward changes in their daughter (e.g., perhaps she has started covering her hair or face); they may feel estranged with the new son-in-law’s culture or they may be puzzled and hurt by their daughter’s rejection of the religious values they raised her with. It can even be as simple as non-religious parents not understanding how they now cannot have a glass of wine at Thanksgiving in the presence of their daughter. Regardless of the triggers, a parent whose child makes this major life altering decision is definitely going to need time to adjust to the changes. When the daughter is young (teens or twenties) it’s only natural that the parent might assume that rebellion is the driving force behind these changes.
But sisters, just give it some time and be patient. Let them see you are the same daughter they have loved and raised. Make sure they know that as a Muslim you will still be devoted to them as your parents. And for God’s sake, don’t make them associate your becoming a Muslim with a rejection of everything they value and hold dear. Or at least, don’t rub it in their faces! LOL!
The United States will always be my home, even if I never return to live there. There are many things I don’t like (maybe even hate) about the US but wisdom and maturity has taught me that you can’t run away from home and really negate who you are. At most you will be an ex-pat in Arabia like me, comfortable and happy. But like me you will never be an Arab, so the sooner you get comfortable with WHO you are the more you will feel connected to WHERE you are.
Very interesting post, PM. In my travels I’ve come across a good few converts to Islam who perhaps came to it via a boyfriend-turned-husband. For many, it’s difficult to discern between the cultural qualities of the new boyfriend an the religious qualities (I think he doesn’t know himself sometimes). Everything about the new man then seems to be “exotic,” and that includes the religion. The religion seems to provide this new identity for many, and for some that identity is heavily influenced by the new spouse’s cultural habits. I’ve heard converts say that they are religiously obliged to wear an abaya. *shaking head*
I participate on a teachers’ forum for overseas jobs, and every now and again a convert passes through mentioning how they can’t wait to hear the azan every day when they land a job in UAE/Egypt/Kuwait/KSA etc. The reality for many converts who do make the move to the Arab world is that they can’t believe how unislamic things tend to be. On the forum I try to remind converts that pass through the board that people are people all over the world: flawed, kind, mean, generous…I suppose if one is seeking a group to identify with and later realises that it’s perhaps not as perfect as hoped that this can be a real disappointment.
Comment by Cairogal — May 15, 2008 @ 12:29 am
Perfect. I couldn’t have said it better.
Comment by Organic Muslimah — May 15, 2008 @ 1:35 am
It’s like you read my mind, PM. I was thinking about this issue this morning while driving to work. I have revert friends who have done this only to eventually be disappointed.
I live in a muslim community and yes, nice to hear the adhan every day, but the people don’t behave like Muslims. In fact, I sometimes think that living in a non-muslim community may be better sometimes.
Comment by Solace — May 15, 2008 @ 1:29 pm
Good post,PM.I cant disagree with you here…
From what ive read on these blogs,ive learned the reality that is an “islamic” country.When/if I ever go to a muslim country I wont be dissapointed with a fantasy Ive made up in my head about muslims in muslim countries.
Comment by Miss Muslimah — May 15, 2008 @ 4:47 pm
‘But like me you will never be an Arab, so the sooner you get comfortable with WHO you are the more you will feel connected to WHERE you are.’
lol, yes exactly!
Probably every convert should be required to do a crash course in what culture actually is…actually every MUSLIM should be required to do so.
still those of us who explore culture are not as naive as it may seem!
Comment by Saha — May 16, 2008 @ 9:49 am
Perfectly said. I was one of those girls who romanticized the M.E. What a wake-up call. It’s so much better just being me.
Comment by L_Oman — May 17, 2008 @ 7:51 am
Wow, two Bush pictures on an unrelated subject. PM, why don’t you just admit that you have a crush on the dude…
Comment by Snake — May 17, 2008 @ 12:32 pm
lol@ snake a crush on bush…….to funny….
good post pm
Comment by TheAngryMuslimah — May 18, 2008 @ 12:30 am
Can I hear a AMEN ? Couldn’t have said it better my self . Thanks !
Comment by On The Edge — May 19, 2008 @ 12:57 am
(AKA AMW)
Masha’Allah this is sooo true PM! I had stars in my eyes for sure when I came traipsing to the Middle East. At first it was all stary and wonderful until I got the slam of culture shock and in-laws fighting and the whole works. Still I really appreciate living in M.E. better tahn USA where you can FEEL more like you belong. Walking down the street you are ignored just like every other hijabi no matter what style you wear unlike places like USA where you are gawked at. So there is down side annd upside but yeah we need to teach poeple that the idealism of Islam is not perfectly practiced anyWHERE but in ANYONE person who practices it to it’s fullest. Masha’Allah. I’ve wanted to visit Qatar just to take a looksy and see how it relates to UAE. Maybe a future post about Gulf Countries vs other Arab countries? Since you’ve been here so long now and I’m sure with your insights this would be an interesting post.
Comment by sweatyhijab — May 20, 2008 @ 8:44 am
Salaam Alaikum,
I have no problem with what you have written and a lot of it is very relevant to the convert community.
However, I think I’m almost certain which blogger you are talking about and this feels rather like talking about her behind her back. Have you told her about this post?
Comment by Safiya Outlines — May 21, 2008 @ 1:53 am
This post completely hit the nail on the head.
I HATED my experiences in a particular Arab country, but nonetheless still find myself being sentimental about certain things (food, music etc.). Homesickness? certainly not.
I think nostalgia is a better term.
Comment by gazelle du sahara — May 21, 2008 @ 2:00 am
Who I am is multicultural, I always have been and I always will. Homesickness for me is a period of missing someplace and longing to be there and whether that place is my “home” or not is irrelevant.
Like hoof and mouth diease, you don’t need to have hooves to get it.
“Many times Western Muslims glamorize the Arab world as a place where “real” Islam is practiced and often confuse Arab culture with Islamic mandates. I’ve written about this before with regard to converts taking Arab names, wearing Arab clothes and eating only Arab foods. I thought it might be interesting to share my perspective on the issue of Arabophilia.”
Speak of the other people as you wish, but for me I don’t glamorize the Middle East as a place of true Islam, further reading of my blog will show my disdain for most M.E. Muslims who think they know more about Islam because of their birthplace. I also did not, and will not, take a Muslim name, cook only Arab food, and wear only Arab clothes.
I am a mix of everything that is me: Latina, Gringa, American, Muslim, and a slight bit Egyptian for added flavor. I am not obsessed with Egypt or the Middle East, but I did -sincerely- express a longing to be in a place that I felt happy and enjoyed being in for a little while.
If that makes me obsessed with Exotica, then well, I guess I am.
But don’t lump me in with a group when you don’t know whats inside me.
Comment by molly — May 21, 2008 @ 5:13 pm
Molly, you are one of many women who the issues in the post might apply to. You don’t need to be so defensive. And you certainly don’t need to come on my blog and tell me what to do and say. It won’t serve any purpose. I know what I know of other people in part through what they write — as my writing reveals me.
And btw, it is quite rare ANYONE is from a limited “pure” singular culture anymore. So you have Latina and (I assume you mean) Caucasian blood and are married to an Arab. Big deal. I also enjoy other cultures — as you can see from this post. But I cannot say I am “homesick” for a place that has never been my home. And yes, that DOES smack of a fascination with being “exotic” — but you’re welcome to it.
Comment by peacefulmuslimah — May 21, 2008 @ 9:11 pm
Wow…I’ve never read Molly’s blog, but a number of bloggers and former bloggers came to mind when I read this post.
Comment by Cairogal — May 21, 2008 @ 10:10 pm
I have a longing for a “home” that may be similar to being homesick–it is definetly a viable feeling. I don’t feel “at home” in my birthplace anymore. Afterall, amongst Americans it is weird to pray five times a day (how extreme! sheesh and that doesn’t even count all the duas) and be modest amongst other things that have made me an apostate to Americanism. How easy is it to explain to an employer that you need a break to pray? Or what about the way people respond to fasting? Certainly it would be nice to live somewhere where your fundamental beliefs are not viewed as freakish.
I first heard the idea of being an American Cultural Apostate from Ingrid Mattson–though I didn’t directly hear her say it.
So perhaps homesick is not the perfect term–but surely converts can have a great longing to live in a more accepting society–of course once you get their, you become the other. Not an easy thing to understand, unless you experience it.
Love and Peace,
~Brooke
Comment by Brooke AKA Ummbadier — May 21, 2008 @ 11:13 pm
Of course, a woman will have misconceptions and idealized notions of the ME before she lives there. However, after some years, after she’s lived there long enough to to learn the good, the bad and the ugly, she is entitled to feel “homesick” after she leaves.The place had become “home”.
Who says one’s native country is the only place worthy of the name “home”? As for obssession with Islam and the ME, it will run its course. Sometimes people get obssessed (enchanted?) with a subject, only to back down when they’ve had their fill. There is nothing inherently wrong in this.
Comment by Marahm — May 22, 2008 @ 8:41 am
Marahm,
If you noticed I am referring to people who DO NOT LIVE here in the Middle East.
Comment by peacefulmuslimah — May 22, 2008 @ 10:57 am
This is a really interesting post, PM. I think a lot of us struggle with who we are in relation to our cultural context, particularly when we’re young. Seeking out another culture to frame ourselves is a way to establish independence from our native culture’s strictures, even though we may be even more constrained by the adopted culture. It can take a while to notice that.
I had a friend who was raised by pot-smoking hippies. In her teens she converted to Mormonism when she started dating a Mormon guy. Her mother nearly went around the bend, “Anything but religion or joining the military!” She eventually grew tired of the impositions her adopted religion put on her liberty and gave it up, but not everyone goes that route.
Trying out different cultural contexts is, I think, a pretty normal way to try on new identities and figure out who we are in the world. It’s just not as common to actually move halfway across the world to do it.
Comment by TVDinner — May 22, 2008 @ 10:06 pm
to be fair PM, it was pretty clear that you were referring (in part) to what Molly had written on her blog, especially the interaction with Organic Muslimah. Or else it’s just a big coincidence!
It’s a shame that the comments have become a bit on edge, because it is an interesting topic. But I do think that too often people are quick to judge another’s intentions. I say this because you have reacted to my own writing in the same way, a few times. And sometimes I wonder if you are partly so quick to do so because of your own experience in the middle east. But it is frustrating for it always to be assumed that enjoying aspects of another culture is fickle, superficial, un-thought out, naive, downright weak, and the list goes on. Especially when directed at someone like me, who examines something from every possible angle before entering into it.
But then, I think that despite being products of our cultural conditioning, we are ultimately much more than that. It’s not an either/or situation, but so often it’s polarized, you are either eastern or western, this or that.
On a different note, what does one do on a seven hour stop over in Doha?!!!
xxnot intending to sound antagonistic, but I AM strong in my thoughts on this topic!
Comment by Saha — May 23, 2008 @ 3:16 pm
Saha,
I did not deny that I am referring IN PART to what I read on Molly’s blog and many other blogs (including yours). I have never said you or Molly were fickle, unthinking, superficial or weak. If you think that is implied I cannot control your reception of what you read.
I do think there is a lot of naivite that exists among Westerners regarding the Arab world but so what? There is often even more naivete that exists among Arabs and Muslims with regard to the world and people they are unaccustomed to.
I was not trying to be antagonistic either, Saha. Just giving some food for thought. Take it or leave it and feel free to post in response.
We have a nice comfortable airport here so your layover will not be unpleasant.
Salaam.
Comment by peacefulmuslimah — May 23, 2008 @ 4:58 pm
PM- I just want to reiterate that I was not upset! I mean, I completely agree with you that a lot of people romanticize the Middle East.
My only arguement is that I’m not one of them so I was probably NOT the best example, however the responses I got to my post about missing Egypt is a good example of people questioning someone’s right to miss a place thats not their home.
But my question to you is: define home?
Do you have to be an ethnic native of the place you’re living? It opens a big can of worms to get into that.
But I really just wanted to reiterate that I have no ill-will towards this post, nor am I offended or anything of that nature.
I just argued the validity of using me as someone who romanticizes the ME.
I also posted on my blog about it.
Maasalama
Comment by molly — May 23, 2008 @ 6:53 pm
No problem Molly.
As for defining home: (to me) A home is some place you live for a period of time, beyond a visit.
I think I have been very clear in my original post that you do not have to be from a place to call it your home. I am not from Qatar but it has become my home because it is the only place I live and the only place I maintain a home. Before, I kept a home in Kuwait and divided my time between Qatar and Kuwait. They were both my homes to some extent because I kept houses in both places — BUT I never really felt as “at home” in Kuwait as I have in Qatar. But then, I am entering my 10th year in Qatar now.
Al hamdulillah I have been blessed to be able to travel a great deal — sometimes staying for a month or two in another country. However, I would not call them my home because I did not settle there and knew I was on a visit (however long term it might be). Thus, I would not think it accurate to say I am homesick for Malaysia, Thailand, Guatemala, Mexico, Belize, etc. These are places I visited (although on multiple occasions and spending quite a bit of time in each)– not lived in.
As for being an ethnic native, I don’t see how that alone defines home, but it certainly does entitle you in essence to claim a place is your homeland if you so desire. For example, I can never say Qatar is my homeland becausze I do not have the right to live here unless I have work and a sponsor. I don’t know how that works in Egypt. Can someone just freely immigrate there because they want it to become their home? Do they then have the same rights that native Egyptians do? I don’t know about Egypt but that is not the case in Qatar.
I also don’t think you really know a place until you live there. Insha’Allah you will like Egypt as much as your “home” once you live there. You will probably also come to appreciate a lot about your real home once you live somewhere else. I know I have.
And once more, you were not the only blogger that prompted this post. It is a common issue.
Salaam.
Comment by peacefulmuslimah — May 23, 2008 @ 7:17 pm
If you are referrinng to ONLY those who haven’t lived in the ME, I would still say the “obssession” with ME culture and even Islam will run its course. The affected person may never have a chance to develop a realistic attitude toward the area.
Maybe that is all the better. The idealistic version is attractive, and embodies the Islamic lifestyle, no?
Comment by Marahm — May 23, 2008 @ 9:07 pm
I lived in Egypt for over two years before leaving for the UAE. 2 years in the UAE had me missing certain aspects of life in Egypt. I found myself, despite experiencing the good, bad, and the ugly, romanticizing life in Egypt from the UAE. After all, I had settled into the UAE and saw it warts and all. You love some things; you hate others…that’s been my experience in the 3 different countries in which I’ve lived. I returned to Cairo after 2 years to work in summer school. Boy…what an eye-opener! Going back for those few months reminded me that Egypt was all those wonderful things I remembered, but it was also all those other things not-so-pleasant things that I had managed to forget. My point? Time away from certain places, regardless of how long we’re there for, lends itself to romanticization of the place-especially if you’re not particularly thrilled w/ your current home or circumstances.
My husband is Egyptian, but my ties to Egypt are really not about him, as I went there single and experienced much of the culture as a single woman. For some women married to Egyptian men, Egypt IS their spouse. I have met many wives of EGyptians who talk about the day they go home to Egypt, yet their time there previously has been limited or non-existent. I find this is pretty common among the converts that I’ve met who are married to Egyptians. Admittedly, I, too, find it odd that someone who’s never been to Egypt and/or has spent limited time there can call it home. Moving to any country and calling it home, IMO, requires a lot of varied experiences over an extended period of time. I would suggest that spending a few weeks anywhere doesn’t really provide one with the real picture of what their potentially new “home” will be like. That’s just my take…not trying to stir the pot.
Comment by Cairogal — May 24, 2008 @ 5:20 am
Alhamdulillah. Thank you for this.
I’m one of those American sisters. I’ve never traveled to the Middle East (although insha’Allah I will be studying there sometime in the next year), but I am the kind who started wearing niqab and abaya quickly, adopted different modes of speaking, etc. As someone who studies religion and cross-cultural experience and things of this nature, it’s hard for me not to psychoanalyze the changes I made upon reverting to Islam, but sometimes I just get tired of trying to judge if this is really me or if I’m just projecting some sort of Arabophilia or something like that. So I try not to think about it, LOL!
But this is such a good reminder. I especially love the points you make about what you consider to be home. Jazakallahkhair.
Comment by Meghan Rose — May 24, 2008 @ 12:07 pm
‘But it is frustrating for it always to be assumed that enjoying aspects of another culture is fickle, superficial, un-thought out, naive, downright weak, and the list goes on’
I wasn’t directing that bit at you PM, although I can see how it would be read that way! I’m referring to many people who react that way, and mostly in my real life, not online. It annoys me because, no one ever really takes the time to find out what I really think, or to do more than just make quick judgements.
Much of my love of things middle-eastern is visual. I am an extremely visually orientated person. So I love the use of colour for example in Morocco, or the architecture in the old city of Sana’a Yemen. Does this mean that I’m ignorant about the shocking human right’s violations in both countries? Not at all! I’m travelling to Yemen to learn the language, and because I hope that my kids will leave speaking Arabic, I also feel that I am much need of advice and learning spiritually. Perhaps I will get this, perhaps not. Allahu alim.
Comment by Saha — May 24, 2008 @ 3:24 pm
Certainly as an art historian I can understand the love of visual culture, Saha.
I would like to point out to you (in case there is any misunderstanding) I would never say “get back to where you belong god damn it!”
Salaam.
Comment by peacefulmuslimah — May 24, 2008 @ 3:56 pm
salaam alaykum
can someone give me safa’s contact address?
umm anas
Comment by um anas — May 24, 2008 @ 8:37 pm
oh i meant email addy of course
Comment by um anas — May 24, 2008 @ 8:38 pm
This is one of those conversations that gets lost on the internet. If my comment on Molly’s blog was directed at you specifically, I would have said so, I have no desire or cause to insult you. My comment was the result of feeling continually misread in general and criticizedfor some of the positions I take, when often I think it is the short-sightedness of the person responding that is really the issue. Again, I am talking broadly, again mostly referring to real life, not blogging.
I apologize if you thought I was having a go at you, although I’m surprised that you would assume that and then just become hostile, rather than approaching it with me. This is one reason why I no longer want to blog in this way, without sitting face to face with someone, it is far to easy for misunderstandings to occur.
Anyway, take care, I wish you well.
Assalamu alaikoum.
Comment by Saha — May 25, 2008 @ 3:01 am
Saha,
It seems you didn’t notice that I said “”in case there is any misunderstanding”.
Salaam Alaikum.
Comment by peacefulmuslimah — May 25, 2008 @ 8:50 am
I very much agree with your post, PM. It is just plain wrong to think that you are some blank slate who can go around claiming other peoples’ homelands’ and cultures as your own, especially when you have never even lived there or only visited for a very short time. It smacks of misappropriation, cultural arrogance, and naivete.
That said, I think you can come to belong in and love your adopted home, though as an immigrant or expat, you are by definition a perpetual foreigner. You end up in this limbo where you no longer fit in at your own homeland, yet you will never be an insider in your adopted land.
Ditto to all of your thoughts on exoticizing and romanticising both the Middle East and The Ideal Islamic Land. Both are just as silly and as Bush in a Vietnamese outfit and Blair in a “Muslim hat.”
Good post on a complex issue. I think many of us go through this to a varying degree, but in the end we have to be true to ourselves and BE ourselves, while taking the good and leaving the bad from both our adopted homes and our original homes.
One barrier to this is the pressure than many of us in intermarriages face to become perfect Arab/Asian wives and wear the clothes and all…I think that aspect is often overlooked. On some levels we are encouraged into throwing away our true selves and replacing our essence with something false in order to please others. And it feels good to be told “You cook Egyptian food so well, khalaas, inti masriyya” etc…
Anyway, I could write pages and pages on this…again, good post.
Comment by luckyfatima — May 26, 2008 @ 12:33 pm
assalamu aleikum,
well, this is interesting, because as a multicultural muslimah married to a multicultural husband with multicultural children, where do any of us fit in?
MSNBC.com is doing a series of stories about people like us.
Sometimes people look at me and my hijab and assume I am from somewhere else, when in fact I was born here. But my mom was born in Spain, nad my dad in Cuba.
My husband was born in Iraq, but lived htere only as a infant. He lived in England, Saudi and the US. His parents also claim different citizenships, neither of them American.
Everybody assumes we are form “somewhere else”. Ins Islamic school they tell my children they are Arab because their dad is Arab, but my kids don’t speak Arabic , they speak Spanish.
If I go to visit Cuba, or Spain, people assume I’m an Arab, and when I visited Saudi, they assume I’m American. ?????????!!!!!!@@@##@#@#@
If I visit Cuba or Spain, I will be of the few that doesn’t eat pork, or drink wine, so they won’t understand why I am acting this way. When I was in Saudi, they understand why I act like a Muslim, but they assume I’m American, and therefore are surprised that I have different traditions that are not American OR Arab (like the dishes I make).
I do agree Islam is for all times, all people, and all the world, but far from romanticising the Middle East, I think some Muslims just want to fit in and be with other Muslims, where they don’t have to explain to others why they don’t eat pork, don’t drink, and dress funny…
Comment by musulmana — May 29, 2008 @ 11:26 pm